hipsterbandwagon:

My name is Junie B. Jones. The “B” stands for “Bush did 9/11” but I just go by “B”

(via thebootydiaries)

got-stars-in-your-eyes:

got-stars-in-your-eyes:

My husband and I are surprising our 6 year old by taking him to Disney for his b-day tomorrow. We’ve been in the car for 4+ hours and he still thinks we are on our way home from school. He keeps saying “looks like we’re almost home!” 😂

Bless his heart.

Update: we arrived to Disney World, he thinks we took a wrong turn and is very concerned about who is going to feed our cat.

(via heart)

*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
*period is late*: shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary

baconnnnnnn:

why wasnt captain underpants in the avengers

(via thebootydiaries)

Me: okay brain, don't freak out, but we've come across a minor inconvenience
My shit brain, dousing itself in gasoline: unfortunate,

c-bassmeow:

Voters: Hillary you will go after wall street, push for campaign finance reform, and fight for the middle class true or false? 

Hillary Clinton: 

(via hotboyproblems)